Becoming our Best Selves
how-to: habits
Hi friends!! Sitting here sippin’ on my morning coffee — and if I am being honest with you, feeling a bit anxious.
Not in the way where I am letting it overtake the excitement and overwhelming gratitude I feel for these new changes that are happening, but I am feeling a bit impatient to get my life in order.
As much as nomadic living and spontaneity has it’s perks, I am glad that portion is over with. Now I have found an apartment I love, and my new home is feeling a bit more homey every single day, but I still feel disheveled.
For the last couple months I have been living out of a suitcase, now sleeping on an air mattress, and focusing all of my time on moving across the country. Routine? Nonexistent. Creativity? Struggling. Stability? Getting there. My usual go-to habits (that I had worked so hard to get in a place that made me feel good) are out the window. And I feel it. I am trying not to be frustrated with myself because I am doing the best I can, but I can’t help it sometimes.
If anything, this has reminded me just how much I need my habits. Habits not as restrictive rules, but as comforting anchors that help to keep me grounded. I have been thinking about habits a lot and how they fit into my life especially since finishing the book Atomic Habits (shoutout to the book club).
I have written out this guide diving deeper into some of my main takeaways from the book and how they’ve made an impact on my life, and then I break them down into actionable, practical steps that we can easily integrate into our own lives.
So whether you’re moving like me, feeling stuck in a rut, or just craving more flow in your life — this is a guide that I will also be continuously referencing as we close out the last month of the year and head into 2025. Let’s get into it.
Are Habits Restrictive?
One of the biggest takeaways I got from James Clear was that the biggest misconception about habits is that they were the enemy of spontaneity and freedom. They are actually the opposite. Habits create freedom. They clear mental space, reduce stress, and help me show up as the person I want to be.
If you have ever thought “I don’t want to lock myself into a rigid schedule. I like to go with the flow,” I get it. I’ve been there. For a long time I let that be the excuse that held me back from creating new habits.
In reality, habits do not box us in. They create more space for us to do the things that we love. Our brain only has so much decision-making power each day. The conscious mind can only handle one thing at a time, so it often pawns off tasks to the unconscious mind.
Just as I say health is no longer health when it becomes obsession and fear based, same goes for habits. Habits are not supposed to be obsession based tasks that cause fear and stress. When we create habits — these become unconscious actions, which creates more space for thinking and creativity. These habits automate the mundane day-to-day tasks so we can focus on the things that really matter.
More healthy habits, more room for personal growth, creativity and energy.
Habits as an Investment in Self
Have you ever been so consistent on your goals, you are cooking nice meals for yourself, walking every day, treating your body with love and kindness — and just start getting discouraged because it feels like nothing is changing?
James Clear calls this the ‘plateau of latent potential’. When we begin doing better even 1% each day, in the beginning it is a slow progression. We expect a constant upward progression, but that is not how it works. Our results slowly compound on each-other, just like investments do.
When I started looking at habits as investments, my life completely changed.
Investments and habits are remarkably alike. Imagine each habit you form is like depositing a small amount of money into a long-term investment account. You wouldn’t expect to stash $1,000 today and wake up a millionaire next week. Investments take time to grow, their value quietly compounding year after year. Habits work the same way.
For instance, if you dedicate just 15 minutes daily to exercise, it’s like putting away a modest sum. You might not see a dramatic change after a month, but in a year, 5 years, 10 years, that consistency will have built a wealth of strength, health, and vitality. Similarly, practicing gratitude or learning a new skill might not pay immediate dividends, but over decades, they compound into a wealth of emotional resilience or expertise.
Just as compound interest rewards patient investors, the cumulative power of small, consistent habits shapes who you become over time. Each repetition builds upon the last, and though the growth might feel imperceptible at first, the rewards multiply exponentially in the long run. A small habit today becomes a life-changing outcome tomorrow.
I remind myself of this every time I feel like I want to give up or am not seeing results, patience is key, the compounding point of results is coming soon. It could even be tomorrow!! Don’t give up today.
Defining our Identity through Habits
When I was constantly telling myself and others around me — I am such a procrastinator, It’s my ADHD, I can never get things done easily — I didn’t realize that defining myself as so was giving me an excuse to not form better habits. This was one of my biggest roadblocks in success.
Habits aren’t just about what you do. They’re about who you want to become.
The more we label ourselves a certain way, the more that is who we become and how we act. So as we can do it negatively, we can also do it positively. Instead of saying, “I need to get this done,” say, “I am an organized individual and hard worker that completes my tasks effectively.” Choose the identity we want to become, then constantly prove we are that identity through our habits.
Another example —
Instead of, “I want to start reading.”
Say, “I am a reader.”
Then, prove to ourselves we are a reader by reading a page of a book a day.
The more we prove to ourselves the identity we want to be through our habits, the more that identity becomes true. And vis versa, the more we become that identity, the more our habits follow, it is a constant loop.
It has been inspiring for me in situations, I visualize the type of person I want to be and I ask myself — what would this type of person do in this situation? This helps me choose a clear path to make decisions that give me my ideal outcome.
I am contemplating going for a walk. What would an active person do in this situation? They would get outside and go for a walk. I am contemplating scrolling on my phone and procrastinating instead of getting my work done. What would a healthy productive person do in this situation? They would get their work done and do the cleaning they need to do. Just actively going through this process has been so helpful for me. It allows me to create habits and accomplish my goals in real time.
How to Build Habits that STICK
Baby Steps — Don’t try to overhaul your life overnight. If you never workout but then say you want to workout 5 days a week, that is going to become overwhelming. Starting small while it may seem useless, adds up with consistency (remember habits as an investment). Start with something that seems too easy. Prove to yourself that you can do that. Want to be more active? Start with 5 mins a day. Once you’ve accomplished a week of that, build from there. Soon enough you’ll be way surpassed your goals, rather than starting too big and giving up.
Make it Easy — Create shortcuts for yourself! Set yourself up for success by removing any friction. Want to work out in the morning? Set out gym clothes and shoes the night before. Place your yoga mat in plain site. Have your gym bag packed and ready to go. Want to stop snoozing your alarm? Place your alarm in a different room so you have to get up to turn it off.
Reward Yourself — We all respond well to positive reinforcement. Pairing our habits with things that we already enjoy help to make the habit that much easier to accomplish. For example, if I get out to go for a walk or go to the gym, I may stop at the market after and get a coffee or a nice bev for myself! Makes it that much more fun.
Habit Stack — Each of us have habits that we automatically do every single day. After waking up, brush our teeth, maybe drink some water…things that are just automatic. One of the easiest ways to create a new habit is by pairing it with a habit that is already automated in our routine. For example, “While I brush my teeth, I’ll mentally list three things I’m grateful for.” This makes it a lot easier rather than having to remember doing everything separately. Makes it feel more automatic and seamless.
Reflection Prompts
I love doing reflection towards the end of the year in preparation for the New Year, these are some prompts I’m using specific to habits:
What habits brought me joy & gave me energy in 2023?
What habits drained my energy?
What habits do I want to leave behind?
Who do I want to become in 2024?
What habits does someone of the identity I want to become practice every day?
What’s one small habit I can start this week to move closer to that identity? BE SPECIFIC — set times, location, etc…
Write down your “cue, craving, response and reward” for the habit
Example: “I want to meditate in the mornings”
Cue = my alarm clock. Craving = feeling calm. Response = 5 minutes of meditation. Reward = morning coffee
I highly encourage you to share this in the comments below. Let’s do it together! Accountability is everything!
I hope this inspires you while we are closing out the year, I believe in you, and I know this community does as well. Grateful to have you all — and together get better 1% every single day. If you haven’t yet — make sure to join the chat because it is a group of wonderfully knowledgable and responsive amazing people. We chat about all things, ask questions, advice, and some people have even become friends in real life.
Also — let’s connect in the comments! Would love to hear your thoughts on habits, the book, or your personal reflections going into the New Year. Excited to continue to grow together. Talk to you soon. XO - Ella
This was so helpful!! Thank you for taking the time to write this out and be vulnerable. 💗 I’m taking notes.